You may have forgotten the song, but let me tell you a story which may refresh your memory. Yesterday we were all set to have a wonderful party for Chi with her friends. We invited all the kids in her class, friends from outside school and others from the club to her celebration. When we arrived at the party place, it was well decorated and there were tons of monitors to play with the kids. All the kids played nicely with the monitors until they were left to play on their own. At this point the expectation on the part of the monitors was that all the kids would go off and “play nice”. There were plenty of things to do like jump on the trampoline, play soccer or Wii, dress-up, ride the merry-go-round, climb the wall and “swim in the pool of balls”. With all that on the agenda you would think 8 year olds would be able to find something to do and, in fact, they did. Unfortunately what they found to do was to make the birthday girl cry. Apparently, even though it was her birthday, other girls in the class decided that they should still be the leaders. Well, let’s just say that approach did not go over really well with Chi. She thought since she was the one turning 8, she should have her princess day. After much cajoling and hugs, she wiped away the tears and pretty much moved on. Some of the others found it a little more difficult to change it up. I was perturbed by the whole incident, but apparently Chi was not. When we finally made it home with all her loot, she was content and satisfied with how the party turned out. At her age, friends change on the hour, so it was sort of normal for her. I think we got a preview of what our world may look like in the future, and it ain’t pretty!
Children certainly consider their bedrooms their own private property. Whenever we have people over to visit, the kids always show their room off. Monday was no different. Two of our (adult) friends came over the other day and Chi was at school. So Lu took it upon himself to show his bedroom to the two women. He took them into the room and closed the door. We have no idea what he was showing them, but it certainly piqued our curiosity. In fact, our friend said “wow, if this is how he acts at 3, imagine him later on!” We all had a good laugh about that.
I also chuckled last night when the kids were in their room. With their window open and mine too, I can hear them talking in their bedroom. When they are not fighting and yelling at each other, I am curious about their conversations. Do you think they talk about their friends from school? Do they share their dreams for themselves or their family? Do they discuss their plans for the next couple of days? As I was working in my room, they were busy in their room. At one point I could hear the rattle of pencil crayons and sure enough not too much later Chi brought me a picture she had made for herself to celebrate her birthday. It seems that any activity other than sleeping takes priority in their personal space!
Yesterday was a day of firsts, even though it was not the beginning of the month. I managed to haul my butt out of bed at 6:00 am to go jogging. (I am not calling it running, on purpose. Who am I kidding?) My New Year’s Fantasy was to do that every day. It only took me one month and a day to actually manage it. It’s a good thing I waited on that because it has had detrimental effects on my health. At one point yesterday both of my knees were aching and by evening I could not walk on one ankle. 
This morning I woke up with an incredibly stiff neck and my students say I look like a robot. Exercise is bad for my health.
Luckily my children did not inherit my athletic ability. They both returned to their activities at the club and Chi moved up a group in gymnastics. Yesterday she was working on doing a “walkover” (not sure what it’s called). We think it will be really good for her to be in a class with older girls, but it may be a challenge she is not counting on. She is used to being one of the best in the class and now she is with older girls. This will prove to be very interesting, I’m sure. On the other hand, Lu stepped in to fill her spot in her previous class. It was so cute watching him do the preliminary movements throwing his legs in the air with his hands on the floor mat. There are other boys in the class, but none were there yesterday. I don’t think Lu even noticed!
There are certain benefits to having older siblings. One example I saw yesterday is that Chi taught Lu how to put on his seat belt in the car. I think that was one of those rare moments when we were ALL happy at the exact same moment. I no longer have to get out of the car to put on his belt, Chi was able to take the role of teacher and Lu felt empowered by his new discovery. Also yesterday I saw another example. Chi is required to read 15 minutes a night. That means that she reads an entire book at her level every night and Lu does everything he can to get our attention. Last night he grabbed a selection of different books and tried to tear us away from Scooby Doo and the Haunted Ski Lodge. 
He finally settled on two books that are all about “Look baby” – the first one has one picture and one word – banana, spoon, bottle, etc and the other has a series of photos that show babies playing hide and seek. He has seen the books several times and I decided last week that I would try to get him to memorize the books. One of the books is easy and he has it committed to memory. When he discovered this last night, he was delighted. He kept on reading it louder and louder until I finally asked him to leave and read it to Daddy. As you can imagine, it was quite a surprise for Daddy and they were thrilled with the new development! I am so proud that Chi is a good reader that she can be such an example for her little bro.
Yesterday I was reading books to my kids before bed. Lu chose 2 books for me to read and then was insistent on a third. Even though I did not really want to read another, I did. So, after he had heard the last story I said: “happy?” He said: “boday”. I could not understand what he said so I asked again: “happy?” To which he again answered “boday”. I was still in the dark. So I decided to ask Chi what he said. She, of course, knew. She said: “happy birthday”.
That reminded me of something I saw on TV the other day. I was watching a program that was showing identical quadruplets and the chances of that happening naturally. Of course, since all 4 girls were identical, most of the adults they came in contact with could not tell the girls apart. (I teach 3 sets of twins and I know how hard it can be to tell them apart.) The funniest thing was that the girls’ older brother had absolutely no trouble at all telling them apart. Certainly kids are their own best translators!
We have been talking a lot about blessings lately. It was Thanksgiving here last week and we asked our students to reflect upon their blessings. I guess it is just human nature not to count yours until you are one short. I find it funny that we always think we have problems and tend to focus on them, rather than on the positive points in our lives. I remember times when I had a totally different set of priorities and worries. It is almost like that was a different life. Still, I somehow managed to find things to stew about. Sheesh! Sometimes I wish I had an internal “suck it up” button. I know I really need it sometimes. A smaller but equally useful button would read “you are not a victim AKA don’t take yourself so seriously AKA stop being self-absorbed”.
I look to my children in order to get back on track and in touch with reality. They are good about that because their priorities are totally different from mine and from each other’s. Lu wants me to know that he likes girls’ movies and his sister likes boys’ movies. Chichi wants me to sit down and make the ornaments she needs for the Christmas pageant. Still, they know where those buttons I was talking about are located! Sometimes they push them!
Chichi is practicing for 2 Christmas programmes this year. One at school and one at gymnastics. Yesterday she went to the dressmaker to take measurements for her gymnastics costume. That reminded me we needed to see if she had a party dress that fit her to wear for the school pageant. The kids are presenting the Sound of Music and the girls need to wear party dresses, party shoes and ribbons in their hair. Chichi has a couple of really fancy party dresses handed down from a friend that she has never worn. I tried both of them on her yesterday and luckily, one still fits. As we were trying them on she said: I have to wear this? YUCK! I hate dresses. I told her that she also needed to have ribbons in her hair. She thought that sounded terrible. Meanwhile, her brother was watching the whole scene and he had a different reaction. He said: Mommy can you buy me one of those?
Yesterday we spent the day with some friends and on our way back we went over a speed bump. I was not totally ready when we went over it. As a result I went over it rather abruptly. Lu asked me what had happened. I explained that we had just gone over a speed bump. He asked what a speed bump was. Chichi and I tried to explain to him what a speed bump was exactly. We told him that it was like a ramp in the road that made cars go slower. He wanted to know what else it made go slower. We answered that trucks and motorcycles also went slower over speed bumps. Then he wanted to know what a ramp was. Again, we said it was something that made cars and so on, go slower. Then he said, what else is it? I said it was something that made things go up. He said again, what else is it? I told him the same thing again, and again he asked the same question. I tried to think of other ways to define ramp, but again, he was not satisfied. I thought of a lock and that it might be a device that helped another item go from one level to another. He was not satisfied by my answer and I simply could not think of anything else, so I resorted to diversion tactics to get him to stop talking about it.
The most powerful aspect of this relentless questioning is that it starts to fool you into thinking that maybe you don’t have all the answers.
Have you ever stopped to consider the world of possibilities in a note? Some of the note types that spring to mind are thank you, doctor`s, and principal`s. Yet there are also notes in the following varieties: foot, musical and bank. This may not be an exhaustive list, but that`s not the point. These lists do not include the best ones – those which are written by your own young children who may not know how to write or spell that well, but that can convey their profound sense of love nonetheless.
We received a note after our daughter`s sleep away camp that said something like:
“Dear Mom and Dad, you are very nice.”
I was thrilled to receive the note and put it on the fridge beside the note she wrote to her brother, which by the way said he was very cool and very cuddly! So the other day I decided to leave a note on my kids` pillows before I went out to work. In the middle of the night my daughter woke up with a start and proceeded to wake up her little bro too. When I got them back into their room, my daughter looked at the bookshelf where she had placed the note. At one in the morning she thanked me for my note.
That falls into the category of love note.
When I was a baby my parents apparently read a child-rearing book by an expert. The results were pretty clear. According to all accounts I was a skinny, under-fed, annoying, pain to be around. (I am not sure much has changed except for the skinny and under-fed part!) So we have sort of all come to the conclusion that hard-core child-rearing techniques are not where it´s at. But I have to confess that sometimes that stuff just slips out. This morning it happened with my own daughter. She has been “under the weather” lately with something I was unable to identify. So today at breakfast when she started fighting with her brother about whose spoon was better – I snapped, literally. I got right up in her face, started snapping and proceeded to say: “That’s it. Snap out of it. It’s over.” Maybe that would have been considered acceptable, but then I topped it off with a zinger: “Start being HUMAN again.”
Yup!
She will definitely have lots to tell her therapist.
